


La Vie en Rose

by quilledcorsair



Series: I just needed to see you [10]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: And a little Gremma, Gen, cs angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-26
Updated: 2015-07-26
Packaged: 2018-04-11 08:16:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4428053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quilledcorsair/pseuds/quilledcorsair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I just need a sign, anything, that would just tell me that this would be okay. Because I really something to hold on to right now." </p><p>CS Baby trope</p>
            </blockquote>





	La Vie en Rose

It's a few days after- after what everyone just refers to as  _the incident_ \- when Emma finally lets out an exasperated huff and turns to her husband, her hand resting on her slightly bulging stomach.

"Why is everyone looking so morose?" she demanded, a small crinkle between her brows expressing her displeasure.

He sighed, running a weary hand through his hair before he turned off the stove and crossed his arms. "I'm sorry, love. We didn't mean to upset you-"

"And stop walking on eggshells around me!" she cried, throwing her hands up. "I'm not going to break, Killian," she said in a softer voice, her concerned eyes taking in his wrung out form, his tiredness seeping off of him in waves.

He swiftly walks over to her, rushing to reassure her. "I know you're not, Swan. It's just-" he cut himself off, sucking in a pained breath.

She smiled at him then, a small, sad thing, the back of her fingers caressing his scruffy cheeks. "I know," she replied simply, wishing she could stop and turn back to a time when it was much simpler and happier, when they didn't  _know_. She sighed, repeating, "I know."

* * *

_Five days ago_

_Emma grinned as her husband and son tried to put together the crib that they'd just got, both her boys hunched over the instruction booklet._

_"This makes...no sense!" Henry grumbled, pushing away the papers in frustration. He was all grown up now, all lanky and burly with shaggy hair that he absolutely refuses to cut- a perfect seventeen year old, if she says so herself._

_"What the bloody hell is a_ Screw C _?" he shook the paper in his hand indignantly. "All this fuss over a bloody crib," he muttered._

_"We could just call Marco," Emma suggested for the hundredth time, rolling her eyes at their exaggerated protests._

_"Swan, this is for our child- a future member of our family," Killian replied slowly, as if he was explaining something to a child._

_"Yeah," Henry added. "We need to do this ourselves."_

_She shook her head, "You guys are being ridic-_ Oh!" _she exclaimed suddenly, her hand coming to rest on her abdomen as sharp pain flooded through her. Both of them were at her side in seconds, panicked looks on their faces as Emma doubled over slightly._

_"Swan!" Killian exclaimed, his hand grabbing her and squeezing tightly._

_"I'll go call the hospital," Henry stuttered out, scrambling to his feet._

_"Emma, what is it? Talk to me!" her husband shouted, his voice frantic and high._

_She wanted to reassure him, tell him that she was fine and that everything is going to be alright but she couldn't bring herself to focus on anything but the stinging pain, dark spots obscuring her vision._

_"Swan-"_

-/-

"Your mother called," he mentions nonchalantly, eating a mouthful of chilli ( _which he hates, but she's been craving that a lot recently, so he eats it with her anyway_ ).

"Hmm," she hums with a shrug. "What did you tell her?"

"That you would call her back. I couldn't very well tell her to ' _stop calling me every five minutes to make sure I'm okay, it's annoying'"_ he smirks, making her roll her eyes at his attempt to copy her accent.

"But now I have to call her back," she whines, pushing away her empty bowl and crossing her arms across her chest petulantly.

It was his turn to shrug now, tongue in cheek and looking at her with a playful glint in his eyes. "It would be rude not to, love," he grins, making her stick her tongue out at him. His expression softens, "She's worried about you, Emma. She's your mother, that's what-" he cuts himself off, his eyes widening at what he'd almost said.

Emma's hands clenched as she looked away from his piercing gaze. "-that's what mothers do," she finished, her voice soft and breaking. "They are there for their kids when they need them, and even when they don't. They hover, they coddle you and protect you and-" she was breathing fast now, her eyes blinking rapidly against the onslaught of tears. Killian was by her side the next moment, his hand rubbing up and down her back, trying to find words of comfort.

"Swan..." he trailed off, pulling her into a hug. Her arms tightened around his neck as she shook with her sobs, tears staining his shirt. "Shhh, sweetheart. It's alright. It will be alright," he kept repeating, hoping that if he said it often enough it would be the truth.

-/-

_Emma was resting now, an IV attached to her arm with some kind of medication to make her sleep. She'd been half-unconscious when they'd rushed to the hospital, Killian's grip on her hand the only thing keeping her awake._

_It had been an hour since the doctors had explained what was happening, an hour since Emma had to be sedate because she grew too hysterical to be safe. Killian hadn't moved from her bedside since, his hand gripping her in an effort to tether him to the earth as he struggled to wrap his head around everything they'd just learned._

_He breathed out loud, pressing his lips to Emma's knuckles, his red rimmed eyes never straying from her face, hoping for at least a twitch. He needed her right now, he needed to know that she would be okay and that they would get through this together. They this wasn't the end, this_ couldn't  _be-_

_"Hey, sailor," her raspy voice drifted through his mind, clearing the fog. He shook his head, looking down at her with a relieved smile, bending down to kiss her gently._

_"Hey," he murmured against her lips, making her smile when he pulled back. "How are you feeling, love?"_

_"Sleepy, but I think that's just the meds," she whispered, staring at their entwined hands. She doesn't say anything, simply letting her head rest on the pillow, playing with his hand gently, her other hand resting on her baby bump, rubbing at it absentmindedly. He let her be, knowing that he couldn't make her talk- she would when she was ready._

_Finally, she broke the silence, "That wasn't a dream, was it?" His lips thinned as he shook his head 'no'. "Damn," she muttered, making him chuckle despite the situation._

_She finally raised her gaze to meet his, her eyes suspiciously shiny and her chin trembling slightly, but apart from that she appeared strong. "What are we going to do?" she whispered, her voice breaking._

_"We- we will figure something out, darling. I won't let anything happen to you," he promised, his gaze intense and never wavering from hers._

_"Or our baby," she added, her brows furrowing when she noticed the guilty look on his face. "Tell me that you will protect our child. That you won't let anything happen to him-or her."_

_"Emma...the doctor said we could try again-" he began, but she wrenched her hand from his hold, looking at him with wide-eyed betrayal, her hand moving to cover her mouth._

_"How could you even suggest that?!" she whispered, torn up. "This is our baby-_ your _baby." She ran a protective hand over her belly. "You can't just get rid-" she stopped abruptly, scowling in an attempt to stop the tears and looking away from him._

_His heart broke, not knowing where to start his apologies, but the thought of losing her- "Emma," he sounded wrecked. "I cannot lose you."_

_She sighed, turning to him again, "You won't," she tried with a small smile._

_"Don't make promises you can't keep, darling," he smirked weakly. He stared wordlessly at her baby bump, his hand hesitantly reaching out to touch. He sighed deeply, pressing his lips to her belly. "I promise no harm will come to our child."_

-/-

Emma had calmed down enough for Killian to let her go, hand moving to swipe at her wet cheeks. "You alright, love?"

She laughed at that, nodding slightly and then shaking her head, sniffling. "I don't know how to answer that," she laughed.

He smiled, but she could see the pain he tried to hide in his eyes, endless blue depths tormented by the very fact that rips her apart on the inside. She thumbs at the scar on his cheek, before she pushed back the hair falling over his eyes. "You'll make a great father, you know that?" she grinned when he blushed at that, the tips of his ears going red.

"Well, then, you shall make an excellent mum. I'm sure of it," he squeezed her hand, smiling up at her bashfully.

"Yeah?" she smiled at him indulgently. He nodded, an almost serious expression on his face. "No doubt about it, love. Our child is going to be so loved," he promised, his hand on her belly, softly caressing it.

She placed her hand on top of his, entwining their fingers together. "Hear that, baby? You're gonna have the biggest family in the world," she sniffled.  _I just wish I would be there to see it,_ she thinks to herself, knowing she couldn't say it out loud.

-/-

_When Emma and Killian finally returned from the hospital, they were greeted by the whole family- her parents, Henry, Regina and Robin- all of them sitting on the couch or hanging around the kitchen. They all looked up when they entered the house, making Emma sigh._

_"What are you guys doing here?" she asked, hanging her coat on the peg, not turning around to greet any of them. She just wanted to lie down and sleep, and hopefully this would all turn out to be a very bad dream._

_Her mother was the first to step forward, moving to hug her tight, her father quickly joining the hug, his hand smoothing down her hair gently. "We heard what happened, Emma. Henry called us. Are you okay? Is the baby okay?" Mary Margret shot, one after another, making Emma chuckle._

_She pulled back, her eyes already shining with tears, but she grinned at them anyway. "The baby's fine, mom. Everything is going to be okay," she tried to reassure them. They all turned around when they heard the sound of glass breaking, watching wide-eyed as Killian stared down at his bleeding hand, his jaw clenching. He looked up at Emma, a scowl hiding his pain before he disappeared down the hallway into their bedroom._

_Emma closed her eyes, knowing that they were going to argue further about this. She just wanted to have some quiet time when she came home, try and deal with the news by herself before she told anyone else. Now, it seems like she wouldn't get her wish._

_"Mom, what is going on?" Henry broke the tense silence, his arms crossed across his chest in the exact same way she does when she is interrogates someone. It makes her chest tighten, knowing that she might never get a chance-_

_"Maybe we should all sit down," she suggested, stopping her thoughts before they could take form. She gingerly sat on one of the love seats, hoping Killian would join them. But after five minutes and no peep from him, she resigned herself to telling her family by herself._

_She sighed, looking down at her hands rather than meet anyone in the eye. She took a deep breath, reading herself to tell the news out loud for the first time- like ripping off a band-aid. "The doctor said I could die if I have this baby," she rushed out._

_There was a collective intake of air around the room, and she could feel everyone's gaze boring in on her, but she refused to look up and acknowledge. "There's some complication- I-I could hemorrhage anytime during the pregnancy, and we could- I-" she cut herself off, trying to gather her thoughts. "If everything goes perfectly, I'll be alright._ We  _will be alright."_

_"What if everything doesn't go right?" Henry asked, his voice thick with tears._

_Before Emma could answer, a rough voice answered, "We could lose her- and the baby." Killian stood at the doorway, his face shadowed and closed off, shoulders slumped in defeat._

_Her mother was the first to react, moving from her father's embrace and sitting next to her, hugging her sideways. "Well, then we just need to make sure everything goes perfectly fine," she said, her smile wide and fake, lifting Emma's spirits, knowing that she could always depend on her mother._

_"We didn't_ just  _save you for this, you know?" Regina sassed, but smiled at her kindly nonetheless._

_Emma sniffled, smiling at the people around her, her gaze finally settling on her distraught husband. Holding his gaze, "Could you guys give us some time alone?" she requested._

_She heard murmurs of agreement, her mother leading everyone out, shouting a promise to return later. Henry hugged her tight, telling her he'll be at Regina's if she needed him. She nodded, watching him leave with a heavy heart. She sighed, turning to face her husband again._

_"You're mad at me," she observed, standing up and walking over to him. He sighed deeply, trying to walk around her, but she caught his wrist and pulled him around to face her. Letting go of his hand, both her hands framed his face, making him meet her eyes. "Why are you so angry?" she whispered. "I thought you wanted this."_

_"Not at the expense of your life. Emma, love, I can't lose you." He sounded so broken, his voice taking an edge she'd heard only once, when she'd been ready to sacrifice herself to the Darkness._

_"Oh, Killian," she sighed, leaning her forehead on his. "You won't lose me. We've survived so much together, this is_ nothing _."_

_He pulled back, wiping away a tear, making her aware that she'd started crying. "Swan, you're an open book to me. No matter how well you've convinced your parents, I know that you are terrified. Don't lie to me, that's not how we do things."_

_Her face crumpled, all the emotions that she'd kept to herself, pouring out of the carefully constructed mask as she threw her arms around his neck, her face pressing into his shoulders as she started sobbing violently, her knees buckling underneath her. He quickly caught her, carrying her back to the couch as if she weighed nothing, settling her on his lap and letting her cry, simply holding her and knowing no words will be enough to soothe this hurt._

-/-

"What do you think of Hope, for a girl?" she asked out of the blue, making Killian pause in massaging her aching feet. He looked up with a raised brow, "Hope?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah," she replied softly. "I think we all need a bit of that now and then, don't you?" she added, looking at him with a grin, knowing he could sense the meaning behind her words.

"Aye, that we could," he whispered, leaning up to kiss her gently, before leaning down and kissing her bump, his hand softly caressing it. "Hope sounds like a wonderful name," he murmured, making tears spring in her eyes, but she pushed them down, wanting to enjoy the moment.

She hesitated before she continued, "Liam, for a boy."

Killian snapped his head up, his eyes widening as tears filled them, his mouth gaping comically. "Emma, that's-" he swallowed thickly, surging up to kiss her again, his mouth slanted over hers as he cupped her cheek gently. Both of them pulled back, panting slightly. He started at her as if she'd hung the moon and the very stars he navigates by, reverence radiating off him. "I would be  _honoured_  to name our son after my brother," his voice broke.

She smiled at him, the corners of eyes crinkling and eyes shining with happiness. "I love you, Killian Jones. Always."

"I love you Emma Swan," he sighed, his eyes closing as her hand shifted through his hair. "Forever."

-/-

It was a month after, when Killian felt fear like never before. "Emma!" he shouted through the house, eyes searching for her everywhere, his heart racing frantically. He'd gone back to work three weeks ago, but made Emma promise that she would answer whenever he called so that he'd know she was safe. So when she hadn't picked up when he'd called at lunch, he'd grown worried. Hoping she would call him back, he waited. But soon it dragged to an hour, and he couldn't handle not knowing if she was alright, rushing to their home to ensure her safety.

"Emma!" he called again, checking their bedroom only to find it empty, the bed neatly made. He breathed deep, trying to stem his worry when he noticed a piece of paper on the bed. He picked it up with shaky fingers.

_Hey,_

_I'm sorry I'm not home. I'm visiting Graham. I'll be home soon._

_Emma._

He breathed a sigh of relief, sitting down on the bed and letting his heart rate return to normal. He ran his hand through his hair, swallowing thickly, pushing away the images of Emma lying on the ground bleeding out that's haunted him since the day they found out.

He'd been trying his best to be there for her, to not show how absolutely terrified he was of losing them- either of them. He gave her space when she needed it, held her whenever she felt the hopelessness creep in. He didn't let her know that he could barely sleep these days, staying up late and talking to their child, wishing he could just  _know_  what was going to happen.

He let himself wallow in the pain for a while longer before he stood up, rubbing at his tired eyes and grabbing his coat on the way out.

-/-

He found her exactly where she said she'd be, at Graham's gravestone, a fresh bunch of flowers at the foot of it and his wife talking softly, her hand resting on her more prominent bump. She turned when she heard him approaching, a surprised smile on her face when saw him.

"Hello, handsome," she greeted him, grinning widely and standing on her tip toes to kiss him.

"Hello, gorgeous," he smiled, humming against her lips. "I think you left your phone in the car," he added, scratching the space behind his ear.

"Oh, yeah!" she exclaimed, checking her pockets. "I'm sorry I worried you."

"It's alright, love. As long as you're alright," he pulled her closer, turning back to the gravestone. "Visit him often, do you?" he asked after a moment.

She snuggled closer, letting him warm her up. It was quickly getting cold around these parts. "No... just recently," she admitted, sighing softly.

He hummed noncommittally, waiting for her to elaborate. But all she said was, "Could I have a few more moments alone? I'll join you at Granny's for hot chocolate," she looked up at him with a pleading expression on her face.

He looked ready to protest, wanting to know why she didn't want him there- but he could see how important this was to her, so he simply pressed a kiss to her forehead, promising her have her hot chocolate waiting.

She stared at his retreating back until she felt that he was safe ways away before turning back to Graham's gravestone, tears blurring her vision. "I don't know why I come here everyday. I guess I just want to believe that you can hear me, that a part of you is still there watching over us, protecting us like you did my mom. I really hope so, because I'm scared Graham," she admits, blinking away the tears. "I'm trying to be brave, and tell myself that we will survive this. But I see how scared Killian is, and my parents are, how uncertain the doctors are and- and I don't know what is going to happen. I don't want to leave anyone behind, not like this.

"And Killian, God," she sniffled. "I don't want to leave him. I don't want to hurt him, put him through the pain of losing someone he loves again. I-I don't want to leave him all alone. And my baby all alone. I know what it was like growing up without a mom, and I always thought I would be able to be there for my children. I couldn't with Henry and I-" she sighed. "I keep telling myself that it will never come to this, but that hope keeps growing dimmer and dimmer everyday. I don't know how I can reassure him without giving him false hope. I could never lie to him. He calls me an open book," she laughs softly at that.

For a long moment, she was quiet, trying to find the words to say goodbye. Finally, "I just need a sign,  _anything_ , that would just tell me that this would be okay. Because I really something to hold on to right now. I can't go on-" she was cut off by a large gust of wind whipping her hair around. She chuckled through her tears, pushing her hair away from her face as the wind died down as quickly as it started. "Okay, okay! I got it," she laughed, wiping a few stray tears from her cheeks. "Thank you, Graham," she whispered, her throat thick as she placed a lingering hand on his gravestone before she walked away.

She knew that that's not how life works- that you get a sign that everything will be alright and then everything will be. But when she walked into Granny's and saw the way Killian's eyes lit up when he noticed her, she found herself hoping that it did.

-/-

Liam Graham Jones was born on December 20th 2017 to two happy, relieved parents.

Emma cradled her son in her arms, careful to support his neck and cooing at him lovingly, tracing every one of his features gently. Killian chuckled from behind her, letting his son grab hold of his finger, familiarize himself with his father's tough. She looked up at her husband with a wide smile, leaning into the kiss her offered her.

"Thank you, love," he whispered, their gaze drifting back to their son who was snuggling closer to his mother, his mouth opening in a small yawn.

"For what?" she asked, equally quiet, adjusting the beanie on Liam's tiny head, her hand rubbing softly at his tiny elf ear.

"For keeping your promise," he kissed her shoulder, before bending down to nuzzle his baby. "For giving me everything."

She hummed, leaning back on his chest. "Thank you for believing in me," she joked.

"Always."


End file.
